IS 28 THE NEW 40?

I have been spending an unhealthy amount of time binge watching a lot of Tv shows and series, most of them about women trying to find themselves, a lot of them filled with so many sex scenes (which i find weird since recent study shows that 80% of women don't enjoy sex) and all of them filled with relationship and life struggles.

These characters vary from late 30s to 40s and I see so much of myself in them. I and my friend T, have constant conversations about these shows. Our love for Tv is one of the things we have in common.
We watch all these characters struggle with love, relationships, balance and careers and we can reference most of their struggles to our present life and what we face or have been faced with.

The most recent shows we have both been binge watching is "Being Maryjane" and the endless rerun of sex and the city, these shows are filled with women in their late 30s to early 40s and all their struggles are similar to ours.
These one realization made us ask ourselves,
  Is 28 the new 40?
Is the world so advanced that the struggles of women now start immediately after they hit the mid twenties clock? Do women have to put their lives on hold, their career on hold, and pay more attention to what the society expects from them?

I know of guys fortunately don't have this problem, the one pressure they may face is financial stability, which just has to eventually happen as its not tied to a certain age or stage in their lives, if they get it at 20, 30, 40, no one cares.

For women, serious relationships, stable careers, Marriage, childbearing and stability are well expected, and it used to be a matter of  make sure you have kids before you are 40, but right now if you are 28 and yet to be engaged their seems to be a certain way the society views, sees or perceives you.

Can we say that this undertone might be the very reason women keep running into marriages, and having kids that they might not be ready for?
Can we also say that this unconscious age expectancy is why most recent marriages fail? 

I was recently on instagram, when a post came up of an old friend who apparently said no to an advance by a guy of a different tribe from hers, the result was the guy sending the screenshot of the conversation to a popular gossip page, calling her an old unmarried lady, who at 30 shouldn't have a right to choose because she's too old to have a say".

In the comment section, I say a lot of replies from people who agree, and just like that I confirmed my fears, the stigmatisation that the society as set for women who are above 28 and yet to be married is real, If those who are 28 are being treated that way, are those who are 40 even being given chances?

This isn't even a case of double standards, this is just the society fast tracking its expectancy of women and indirectly age shaming us.

Women need to take their power back, I'm a year and few months from 28, but I constantly feel the pressure to get my life almost on track before then, I'm also 'personally" hoping that before 30 a few things in my life have been stabilized, However if that doesn't happen I will keep forging ahead. I will reclaim my 28 back and determine what the new 40 is.

If you are woman, and you already feel this pressure, How do you cope? Do you agree that the society is constantly pushing the idea that 28 is the new 40?
Let's hear it.

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  1. I'm not even 25 and I'm steady avoiding people and questions because they feel like once a woman is done with school, the next thing is marriage and if at 28 you don't even have a boyfriend then there must be something wrong with you.
    It's really tiring how people feel like they know the way your life should progress and how it's supposed to turn out but then I guess that's the society we live in.

  2. I totally agree with this piece. Society expects us to be perfect. Its like after what's next they say Mrs... Like we have no right to our own dreams,goals or what we want out lives to be. We just have to follow the established process; go to school, get married, have babies and die!

  3. Hi Dee, I love this post, sometimes I see these things in social media and want to delete my account. I feel like I'm in a country filled with idiots and nobody understands me. But it's a struggle everyone faces and deals with differently. Well since I know some Nigerians are morons I have learnt to 1) Keep my frigging opinions to myself lest I die, 2) I have started to shed all this religion culture and societal courtesies drummed into me and have started to look at the world a little differently. 3) I have decided that my life is my life and if I do not want people to have an opinion about it I'll keep that aspect off social media.
    So my dear, just be fabulously you, morons can't comprehend the new woman.

  4. This is something I've noticed too. They tell you not to have a boyfriend byt once your past 25 or in some cases earlier they start asking questions. And girl its not only 28, in some peoples mind's once your done with school and NYSC what are you waiting for. Now how do I deal, well I have a goal in site so those people can mind their business or keep talking it it pleases them.

    Princess Audu

  5. I'm still in my early 20's and I'm willing to enjoy it before the pressure really sets in. Society has really tortured a lot of women yet it's up to us to let them understand that NO ONE CAN LIVE OUR LIVES FOR US. So if it happens at 25 YES! and what if it's in your late 20's ? So be it. I'd rather be happy taking things a step at a time than be miserable because society pressured me.
    I'm glad you're back. Please hit us with an outfit post real soon.



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