Hello There!!!
Happy new month: I hope you have lived a well planned and a very deliberate year so far.
If you haven't, It's not so late and I do recommend that you look to purchase the @HDHQgoods 2017 planner for a more deliberate 2017.

As I write, I'm filled with so much anxiety about tomorrow but I'm also filled with so much hope and grace and just positivity even with my empty bank account. 

Let me share with you a few things about this year, my mantra and goals.
This year is my year of "NO" and my year of "POSITIVITY".

So now you are obviously asking yourself how someone's goal can be made up of two opposite ideas?

Truth is these two Ideas are the same from my viewpoint and It has brought me to such a good place in my life and made me so happy.

I have had a post in my draft since the first week of the year titled "the act and perks of saying No" but without having enough references I decide to pend the post till when I really had answers. And there isn't a better time than now.

*The concept of No & How it started*

Last year, I took on a few side jobs outside  my white collar job and Heartdictions HQ store, truth is I was trying to make ends meet so I just kind of kept accepting offers people threw my way. Fast forward to the end of the year, I had a few unfulfilled and breached contracts, no savings outside my normal salary and store sales and so much fatigue & stress.
It was such a negative moment for me, the process of letting go breached contracts and realising that I wasn't going to get paid for a lot of the efforts I had put in all these jobs felt so familiar and still tasted as bitter as a similar 2012 experience.

It was these experiences alongside the realization that people are really selfish that made me decide that I had to learn to say No.
I had so many baggage and stress that were due to people in my life who wanted me to do stuff for them, people I believed I couldn't and shouldn't say no to. People I just felt I needed and wanted to help and assist.
People that were smart enough to coarse me into helping them because they realised I was becoming a force if I do say so myself.
Truth is at the points I said Yes to all the jobs, offers and responsibilities, I didn't even realise that it was too much to say yes to. Before I knew it, I was managing 4 social media accounts alongside my own 4 for free and giving free PR advice and consultancy to a lot of brands on a daily basis. 

All that plus the fact that people were stealing Ideas I had pitched to them and found alternative ways to achieve them, some even distracting me from my own personal goals.
I was even going out of my way to attend meetings with this people, Constantly jumping buses and bikes to and from Lekki/Apapa or Lere.

I was living a life that I was constantly leaving for something else and then at a point I broke down...
I did what I do best, started to plan and reevaluate my life. then i found and started to develop the concept of saying No.

*The 'No' mission*

  • Say No to every opportunity that does not in anyway improve or promote your life goals: This meant saying NO to everything that didn't or doesn't carry a Desola Mako or at least the Dee Mako trademark or brand idea. I was no longer going to write unrelated articles or deal with other people's social media problems that even when I solve feels of no value to them.
  • Say "No" to every opportunity just because you are presently not in the right state of mind: This meant no pending jobs. instead of saying ok I will try to fit it in or let's do it next month because I have exams, I simply say I presently can't take on this responsibility or I am not in the right state of mind to do this.
  • Say "No" to contracts or opportunities that equal slavery; Like the email I got from a brand that wanted me to do a million things for free clothes when I have clothes spilling out of my room. I simply replied, I'm sorry but the terms for this collaboration aren't beneficial to me, I kindly decline this offer.
  • Say "No" to opportunities that should be paid/monetary but have no remuneration: Yes, money is not everything but that only applies when they are family or like family. If not B*tch better have my money.
  • Say "No' to Negative Energy: This means
    meaning Give up whatever & whoever stresses you, whatever & whoever makes you unhappy and whatever & whoever might brings you down.
  • Say "No" to things and responsibilities you really do not want to do or take on: No matter how much  I love them, whether they are my friends or family if I do not want to help or do something, I do not. Those situations usually end up attracting regrets and sentences like "and I didn't want to do it o".
  • Say "No" to friends and people who do not help or make you feel good about yourself: There are so many forceful relationships and friendships that are in your life that you need to reevaluate and just find a way to walk away from or reduce contact with.

*The Process so far*

So after I finally decided on the mission it was time to get to work, Physical and psychological work at that. The physical is very easy. It involves restraining oneself and avoiding certain circumstances. The psychological involves training oneself, one's conscience and forming new habits.

Physical Process|| My favourite tactic is Avoidance, for one if paying extra money will give me less stress I do it! this is new for me because most people that know me well can tell you how much I like bargaining, and I still do. 
This process just helps me in deciding consciously what matters and what doesn't and what energy certain situations might and can produce if I do not avoid it.
Now when someone cheats me and denies it, I tell them in simple but fierce words how much I hate untruthful people and then I move on. I also avoid people who talk about people a lot, who make other people's business theirs and those who always have negative things to say about me or others.

Psychological Process|| If you spend your life over thinking like I do, Then you will understand me when I say that the conscience is very powerful and can make someone feel bad for certain decisions even if its for the greater good. Some people even call the conscience a "sixth sense" or "the voice of god". That's how powerful it can be. 
In 2013/14 my friend Joe taught me a trick, he told me the one thing I needed to remember for the rest of my life, He said "your conscience should work for you, not the other way round"
I'm sharing this because you need to know this, because once you start to say No, you start to say a lot of sorrys as well.
Mostly out of guilt, However the truth is you shouldn't be sorry, infact you should totally hold on to my bestie Beyonce's chorus "I ain't sorry". 
You need to train your psyche not to feel guilt and not to feel sorry because you matter. Your health, wealth and strength matters and you shouldn't have to take any responsibilities or crap that you do not want to and that does not improve your Life.

It feels like you just read a self help book right? But no these are all personal experiences from personal researches that I did, I'm not saying its the foolproof way to joy and happiness but all I'm saying is it does help make you less anxious, more happy and it brings you the right opportunities.
You can start this process by taking each of the above mission per day for a week and see how much progress you have achieved on the 8th day.
It's the right way to start living life on your own terms, being more selfish and less stressed.
Learn to start saying NO trust me it isn't a bad thing. 

post signature


  1. Not to distract from your message, which I think is poignant, but I love how unedited your photos are. There's this raw energy to them.

    On the message - I'm pretty sure I need to say no more often.

    Berry Dakara Blog

    1. Thank you so much Berry, I try as much as possible not to edit my blog pictures mostly because i'm lazy and i don't want more task and also because Its just who I am.x

  2. Ugh I have never in my whole life met anyone that bargains like Desola Mako!!! But yes, you always have to live your life on your own terms cause people will always find something to mad at you for anyways. Do the good you can and live it at that.
    This was such an honest and nice read, love it....xxx


  3. This is just amazing. I find this "your conscience should work for You and not the other way round" so helpful there's a way i feel bad for not doing things which not doing is for the greater good. Tnx for taking ur time to tell us this Dee, its all i needed right now.

    I just had to leave a comment. Long time blog reader buh first comment!

  4. word! word! word!
    This is a very lovely post.


  5. Dee honestly, this couldn't come at a better time, I have been on the receiving end of crap most of my life and honestly, one day I just said... NO MORE. I say no when I want to, my conscience can cry all it wants, but I refuse to be walked over anymore. So many friends and the plenty aso ebi, and one after the other I politely decline to buy, unless you really matter, I ain down with anything that doesn't favor me anymore.
    This was an honest read, I like it

  6. Wow, you were definitely doing too much!!
    Nawa for some people o!!!
    Glad you're in a good place now!
    I have also learnt to say No to opportunities I'm not 100% interested in and even if I feel bad for the first few days, I feel much better when I realise I have saved myself from some unnecessary stress.



Your comments keeps me going...
I love to hear from you, read your comments and I would love to check up on you and bond as well, so drop your info.
Thanks for stopping by.
You can Email your other enquiries to Makodesola@gmail.com